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Tuesday 30 July 2013

Vampyre Nation - Review

           Hello! Today, I was going to do two book reviews, (they often end up shorter than film reviews because I just don't do them as often/don't have as much to include in terms of characters etc.) but I saw a film yesterday that I just needed to talk about. 
             Now, this film isn't even on IMDB under the same name, it's on there as 'True Bloodthirst', which, A) should be an indication of how good it is, and B) should ring some of the same alarm bells that it did for me, that it's a bit too similar to True Blood in some ways. 
             It was also shown on SyFy channel, which may also lead you to the fair assumption that it's not going to be great, being as they've shown films called 'Sharknado' and 'Jersey Shore Shark Attack'. I did find a trailer for it on YouTube though, so you get to enjoy nearly two minutes of this: (I'm not even sorry, I sat through two hours of it)


             Even the trailer for this was difficult - I usually put it on here by just putting in the YouTube URL, but that wouldn't work, would it? No. Anyway. This trailer actually makes the film look action packed and exciting, but it wasn't. I can't even fluff around the issues - it was a bad film; for so many reasons. I can appreciate that this is a low budget film, far lower of course than all of the other films I've reviewed on here, but that's not excuse. Honestly. 
               So what was wrong with it? Well, like I said, it's very similar to the opening of True Blood, with all the news reports of Vampires existing, and how they're in conflict with 'humans' and all that jazz. Also, they seem to have lifted at least one instance of dialogue, which is something along the lines of 'You're saying that (something that isn't a vampire) exist?' 'You didn't know vampires existed until (a short time ago), how do we know what else is out there?'.  That's not a massive issue for me, it's just something I noticed having watched True Blood.
               Anyway; without going into massive amounts of detail - the special effects are terrible given that it was released in 2012 (fair enough, it's low budget) but I swear more can be done in that respect. The 'storyline' (we'll call it that for argument's sake) was contrived, and didn't really make a great deal of sense. I'm not going to even bother with not revealing spoilers, because you can guess everything that happens from the off, and I might just save you two hours of your life. The basic premise is that vampires have always existed but haven't come out, so then they do, and then 'humans' segregate them, and force them into their own quarantined area. Fine, that's all in the first ten minutes anyway. Then two vampires and a 'blood dealer' are killed by some...thing with snappy teeth and a 'scary' prosthetic/CGI face that can fly. Cut to - the office of Kovaks (Roark Critchlow), where he informed of the deaths of the afore mentioned vampires and dealer, by Derricks (Neil Jackson). Then a bunch more characters are introduced very vaguely and then they have guns out of nowhere, then they aim them at some vampires for... some reason, they they all work together to take down the 'scary', flying, vampire eating 'things' which turn out to be vampires who have been infected by a virus which has turned them into primal, zombie-like vampire being things. As you can see - very 'thrown together', 'let's give these hot chicks some guns because then it will be a great movie!' 

http://www.programme.tv/film-telefilm/vampyre-nation-42596792
          There were a few little things that happened which made me wonder who threw this together:        
           - It's set in Bucharest, Romania (obviously because that's where vampires live) but nearly everyone had an American accent, then there's the guy who worked for Kovaks (who I think was Jonathon Hargreaves, playing Innes-Dunchley, but it might not have been - I don't remember anyone's name, I've literally had to look up everything. I'm not even going to pretend I knew) who has a Manchester accent (northern England) and sticks out like a sore thumb. 
             - When the vampire/zombie things die, they disintegrate. That is something which is shown in detail. Also, one of the female vampires - who I think we were supposed to feel empathy for - goes into the sun without her ninja hood on, she turns to dust. That's all fine, because that's what vampires have always done through the ages. What bothers me here, is that seconds later, one of the vampire zombies flies out of the underground den they've just blown up with lots of fire and explosions, (yes, 'how'? that's not the bit which bothered me) it burns a bit in the sun, then leaves a perfectly preserved skeleton - complete with charred flesh. I understand that this is so that we can find out that the vampires are getting the virus which is turning them into these undead weird things, but if that's what you want to do, then don't turn other vampires into dust. It's a weird double standard that doesn't work.
Pretty - http://qiq.ru/23/11/2012/films/540923/naciya_vampirov_true_
bloodthirst_vampyre_nation_2012_dvdrip_1400mb.html
          - Derricks' vampire wife just happened to be where the boss vampire lives. Just by chance. Completely out of the blue. Boss vamp doesn't even ask her name. Just sends her out. By chance. Chance.
               Finally - and I could go on for longer, but let's not - there are too many characters. I've mentioned four, then there's Johnny Harker (Andrew Lee Potts), his sister Katya (Claudia Bassols), Harker's girlfriend Celeste (Heida Reed) who is, and I quote; 'not a prostitute, she a dancer, the hours are better' - which I think was meant to be a joke, but it really missed the mark due to all round terrible acting. Anyway, they team up with Nikolai (Ben Lambert) and some of his vampire friends who weren't named (to my knowledge) or characterised. And there's the guy who was let out of prison with Harker. (For whatever reason.) Now, I appreciate that they have a 'team', but when it comes to screenwriting, or writing stories in general, we're taught that you should have three strong main characters, four, maybe. They should be well characterised with their own voices, and storylines and whatever. Then some extraneous characters, who we like, but don't necessarily care about, nonetheless, we should be sad when they die. With this, there are so many characters, that it's not clear whether they're meant to be main characters, or supporting characters, and it all gets confusing. Also, Harker - who is definitely meant to be a main character - is so unlikeable. He's whiney and bitchy and doesn't learn from his errors and only thinks about himself and he's poorly acted which just doesn't help. 
                To be fair to Ben Lambert and Neil Jackson, their acting wasn't bad. In other words, they did a really good job of acting out what they'd been given. I liked their characters and if it weren't for them, I just don't know if I would have stuck it out. Claudia Bassols wasn't bad either, she was given a pretty vacuous character to play. As for every other person in the film. I cannot say the same. The acting was bad. Really bad. 
                 I've really got to wrap this up now, because this has gone on for far longer than I intended it to, and in all respects, it's been more of a rant than a review. I just needed to get this off my chest, and maybe save some people two hours of their life. Now, I think, moreover, I hope, that this is a 'mockbuster', but I'm just not sure. I can't tell if it's meant to be a long winded pun, or if it's intended to be serious. All in all, I have to give this one and a half pandas. That might be generous, it might be tight, I don't know how anything works any more. 


             Thanks for reading! Sorry about everything that just happened. If you have seen this (you poor soul) what did you think? If you haven't, are you going to  based on this? Or will have I really, really not sold it? 
              I'll be back on Friday with part 3 of Seasons, which will hopefully turn out marginally better than Vampyre Nation did. :)

                                                   Laura
                                                           xoxoxox

Saturday 27 July 2013

Seasons - Part 2

       Hello! For the second week in a row, I've had so much trouble getting a post started. I have very little inspiration - even less motivation. I'm sure it's the heat. Anyway, today, the first book on my reading list for 3rd year arrived today, so I guess I've started my final year at university already. If anyone's interested, it's 'The Outsider' by Albert Camus. From looking at the blurb, it should be a pretty interesting read! Plus, it's only 117 pages, so even if I hate it, I won't have to hate it for long :)
        Without much more waffling - 

http://hdw.eweb4.com/out/76291.html
          Days got shorter, autumn came and went and before long, we were throwing snowballs at each other instead of clods of dirt. The meadow was ours. 
         For all the years we'd been coming here - climbing over my back fence so we didn't have to walk the extra three minutes around the corner of our street - we'd seen around six people. One of them was a man who walked his dog through the meadow. He tips his hat to us with a smile, and says 'boys' in a stern but friendly way. He sometimes lets us pet his dog. Apart from him, there are no recurring faces. One day - a Monday - a girl came to the meadow. She was pretty; my height, brown hair, blue eyes, perfect skin. She seemed shy, hardly saying a word. She moved towards us silently, she was almost ghostly in her movements - so graceful she appeared to be floating just above the ground. We stopped hurling snow at one another, and gazed at her, mesmerised. Her face was tilted slightly to the ground, almost apologetically. I loved her instantly. So did James. 
          We both knew how the other felt, and she was fully aware of both our feelings. One day she'd giggle with James, running her fingers through his hair, some days she'd give me all of her attention. James and I tried to hide our bitterness from each other, but cracks were starting to form, and she was well aware of each and every one of them. 
http://itsecuritypro.co.uk/2013/02/20/cracks-starting-to-a
ppear-in-mandiants-china-apt-analysis-methodologies/cracked-glass/
          That's it for this week. I know I'm late, so, so late. But it's still Friday in America so at least some of you guys are reading this on the day I said you would. I can't say I'm surprised - I've been having trouble being motivated lately, hopefully next week will be better. I'm not sure what to review on Tuesday, but I just finished a book, so maybe I'll review that for you guys, because it's a good book, but doesn't have the notoriety to go alongside it. Have a great weekend! 

                                Thanks for reading! Laura 
                                                              xoxoxox

Tuesday 23 July 2013

TWOS-day Review - Part 2 - The World's End

            Hello! Like I said earlier, today's review is actually two reviews, if you didn't see it already, I reviewed Monster's University here earlier today. Without too much waffling, (I did that already) here's what I thought of the final instalment of the 'Cornetto Trilogy'.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213663/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
             Put simply, The World's End is a film about a pub crawl. This pub crawl began 20 years earlier and didn't go according to plan. Cue Simon Pegg as Gary King - keen to relive the glory days with the same four friends; Andy, (Nick Frost) Peter, (Eddie Marsan) Steven, (Paddy Considine) and Oliver 'O-Man' (Martin Freeman).
Back in the day -http://splitsider.com/2013/07/early-reviews-
of-the-worlds-end-are-unanimously-positive/
All grown up. Sort of. http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/movies
/news/a468529/simon-pegg-discusses-the-worlds-end-characters.html
        The film was released on the 18th of July, 2013; six years after the second instalment of the trilogy - Hot Fuzz, and nine years after the one that kicked it all off - Shaun of the Dead. I was pretty excited that I was able to see the film at midnight on release day - for a while, I didn't even know if I'd get to see it. I do wish I'd been able to see the whole trilogy at once, but I wonder if maybe it would be a bit much in one sitting.
           Just in case you haven't seen it, here's one of the trailers:


          I had really high expectations of this film - I love the first two parts of the trilogy, and I generally like  Nick Frost and Simon Pegg's other projects (and we're all aware how much I adore Martin Freeman) - and I can honestly say I was not disappointed at all. The jokes are just as funny, the characters just as quirky, and I liked that there was a role reversal between Frost and Pegg's respective characters. In addition to this, it was great to see some cameos from other British actors, such as Mark Heap, Bill Nighy, David Bradley, and Pierce Brosnan
           I was so ready to give this film five pandas - I loved it while I was watching it, I laughed out loud on more than one occasion and thought that the storyline (if you can call it that) was simply brilliant. However, I had a conversation with my friend Callum - whose opinion on films I tend to share, and he felt that it 'relied too much on Simon Pegg's character calling people c**ts' and also, that his character 'wasn't likeable'. For how much I laughed, I have to say I did notice the massive increase in swearing. In the two films preceding this one, there are a few instances of very strong language, and because they are infrequent and surprising, it adds to the comedy - this film was somewhat inundated with them. 
           That being said, I still laughed each time, and one of the best lines in the film includes that word, (and without any spoilers - also includes Legoland; for anyone who's seen it - you'll know which line I mean). I also agree with him that Simon Pegg's character wasn't as likeable as his others; I found myself feeling quite sorry for him on a few occasions. 
           With all that in mind, I still really loved the film, and I cannot wait for it to come out on DVD so that I can have my own Cornetto Trilogy night. I give this film four and three-quarters of a panda, only because I wish I loved Simon Pegg's character a tiny bit more, but I couldn't bring myself to take off a whole half of a panda.

          So, that concludes our 100% extra free Tuesday review! Have a great week, I'll be back Friday with part 2 of Seasons. 
                                               Thanks for reading! Laura
                                                                              xoxoxox           


            **Editor's note**
       
     Initially, I really loved this film and was so happy to give it almost the whole five pandas. However, upon further reflection, and conversations with so many people, I think I may have been a bit generous. I already mentioned what Callum said, and I agree with him. But it has also been said by more than one of my friends, and other people who review films a lot, that it felt a tiny bit rushed. It felt like it wanted to get all the jokes in and wasn't as gritty as Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead, and not as much time was dedicated to making us care about the characters. These are fair points and I agree with them wholeheartedly. I don't want to penalise the film too much because I still really enjoyed it and will definitely get it on DVD and watch it again. All things considered, I think I'm going to take away the three-quarters of a panda. This is now a four panda film.


        Laura - xoxoxox

TWOS-day review - Part 1 -Monster's University.

         Hey everyone, did you know I nearly posted this yesterday because I was convinced it was Tuesday? I stopped myself, don't worry. The twosday/Tuesday pun wouldn't really work on a Monday. Anyway, on Thursday, I was fortunate enough to see both Monster's University, AND catch the midnight premier of The World's End. I was going to save one for next week, but MU has been out for a few weeks now so I didn't want to drag that review out for much longer, and then seeing as I actually saw World's End at the stroke of midnight on its release day, I didn't want to wait to post that. I'm going to get started with MU, just because I saw that one first.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1453405/?ref_=sr_1
         There are quite a few trailers for this around on YouTube, and seeing as I already put one in this post, so I thought I'd put a different trailer, hopefully without ruining too many moments from the film;

      
         First of all, let me just say that baby Mike is the cutest thing I think I've ever seen. Anyway. I was ridiculously excited to see this film, and I had such big expectations for it. While I can't honestly say that the film surpassed my expectations, it certainly met them. 
           Monster's University was released in UK cinemas on the 12th of July, 2013 (the same day as Pacific Rim) and so far, hasn't had the same level of stupendous reviews from critics on Rotton Tomatoes, or IMDB: on both, it has received around 70% positive feedback - which, attached to any other film would be a great score, but Pixar Generally receive ratings in the high 80's, sometimes even in the 90's. Of course, this isn't generally something I even consider when going to see, or even when I review a film for myself, and I only mention it this time, because I wanted to consider for a moment whether critics - and the public - are reviewing Monster's University as a film in its own right, or in comparison to Monster's Inc. 
            Based on that, in its own right, MU is a really great stand-alone film. It's cute, it's funny, the colours are bright and it appeals to an audience of all ages. The storyline is gripping and really has you rooting for Mike. This film shows a completely different side to both Mike Wazowski (Billy Crystal) and Sully, (John Goodman) and also Monster's Inc. bad guy Randal. (Steve Buscemi) This makes for some really great character development, where the audience can see the unfolding of the relationship between Mike and Sully, as well as how they learn from each other and grow, as well as seeing all of the things that makes their adult friendship so strong.
http://www.craveonline.com/film/articles
/522317-review-monsters-university
             I don't really have any negative things to say about this film as a separate entity, and I've read reviews from other people which question whether Monster's Inc. even needed another film to support it, or add to it in any way. And I really don't think it does. Monster's Inc. is such a great film - great jokes, great storyline, cute characters who don't need much explanation or development. I do, however, love MU as backgrounding to the MI storyline. While there may not be a need for a second film, it doesn't ever feel like they made it just for the sake of it. 
             I also have to say - without any spoilers - that I was so glad the film didn't end how I thought it would, and wove such a lovely narrative of how Mike and Sully got to be in the positions they're in during Monster's Inc.  
                 Based on this, I give Monster's University four pandas.



                In a couple of hours, I'll have a review of The World's End posted on here for you. Until then, thanks for reading!
                                     xoxoxox

Friday 19 July 2013

Seasons - Part 1

        Hello there! I'd like to welcome you to the blog's 50th post! It's a year old this month and is doing far better in terms of views and feedback than I ever thought it would be. I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who's ever looked at the blog, read a post, commented, offered an opinion or anything. I adore you. 
        So, It's Friday, once again and I have to be creative. It is no secret in the writing world that some days, we just don't have the right juices flowing - so when one day I can come out with something like brushes from nowhere in particular, this week, I am struggling. Maybe I'm tired, maybe it's the heat - but without any speculation, I definitely have been feeling the effects of writer's lock today. I thought instead of trying to come up with something completely new each week, maybe it's time to write something serialised again, like The Following - at least then I have some ground work to go from each week. So, that being said:

http://www.cotonmanor.co.uk/wild_flower_meadow.php
       'There once was a man from Bermuda -'
       'Who idolised Henry Tudor-'
       'He married six women -'
       'To fold up his linen -'
       'And if one wouldn't, he sued her.'
       'Ha, nice. What a douche though.'
       'Yeah, proper douche. At least Henry just beheaded 'em - way cheaper.'
       'Right?'  We laughed distractedly. 
      We were laying lazily in the meadow behind my house, passing away the long summer days by talking about things that weren't important that we wouldn't remember the next day. The grass was a perfect length and the sun was drifting through the trees, grazing our cheeks and casting strange shadows over our T-shirts. Our arms and legs were dirty from diving onto the grass to stop the other scoring goals. James was picking daisies one by one and plucking the petals delicately from their heads. There was a small discarded pile of stalks next to him. I was picking blades of grass and watching them sway in the breeze; imagining a woman dancing with her lover in the moonlight. My head was resting on James' middle - his propped up on our backpacks.
        The remnants of our lunch was strewn across the floor, the breeze not being able to muster the energy to fling it across a wider radius. I let go of my blade of grass and watched it fall daintily to the floor. I looked further to the left, my eyes finding it difficult to focus after all the running around in the sun, and the huge picnic James had acquired mostly from his mum's pantry without her knowing. I sat up when I saw a ladybird balancing in their usual clumsy yet delicate fashion on the very tip of a bending blade of grass. I put my finger beneath it and it climbed on. I turned towards James, brandishing my finger complete with its new accessory.
        'Look'
      'Lemme see? Move it closer.' He put his finger to mine, allowing the tiny bug to wander onto his extended fingers, stained yellow by the centres of the daisies. He raised his hand to his face, mine still hovering in the air. He stared at it for a moment, a strange smile playing across his lips. Eventually, he snapped his thumb onto the tip of his finger, crushing the bug - giving it no time to contemplate moving. 
        It took me a moment to realise what he'd done. I didn't look away from his fingers when I asked him; 
        'What did you do that for?' My voice full of child-like uncertainty. He shrugged.
         'Felt like it. I dunno, it was weird, I was just looking at it, and then I just got the impulse to just...do it. So I did.' My eyes remained focused on his fingers. He opened them, revealing shards of red shell littered with black dots. The wings were separate to the body they'd once supported, yet the bug was still held together by its own insides. I looked sheepishly up at James, he seemed fascinated by the sticky dead creature which dirtied his hand. He stared, transfixed for a moment - a hard expression contaminating his adolescent features. After a while, he blinked and wiped the bug onto the corner of the rug we were using as a picnic blanket. Without saying a word, he returned to his previous position and picked a fresh daisy, pulling mercilessly at its petals - what had previously seemed like idle behaviour now seemed utterly barbaric to me. Nonetheless, I resumed my position with my head on his belly.


          I have to admit - I thought making my creative day Friday would put an end to this super late uploading nonsense, but alas - it has not. Still, it's still Friday in the UK for 2 minutes, so I feel like I've nearly achieved something. Well, I hope you enjoyed this, and that you've had a great week. I saw both Monster's University and The World's End yesterday, being as it was my dad's birthday and all that, so after much debate and some good advice from my friend Ryan, I shall be reviewing both on Tuesday. (Or TWOsday if you will - haw haw haw.)
               
                Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! Laura
                                                                                       xoxoxox

Tuesday 16 July 2013

Pacific Rim - Review

          Hello! Today was my dad's birthday, so happy birthday to him! <3
        Let's get right on with this - before I do begin though, I will mention that any spoilers will be clearly marked, and will be in red, so if you haven't seen this yet and plan to - avoid red. 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1663662/
        So, as I said on Friday - I went to see Pacific Rim. It was release day, but being as it was still sort of during school hours, there were very few people in the cinema, which I tend to enjoy, being as I hate crowds. I'm not sure if that affects how I view a film or not, but I thought I'd add that, just in case it did. I also had the BIGGEST bag of pick'n'mix, so I was having a great time before the film even started. If you haven't seen it yet, here's the trailer:


         Now, I was only vaguely aware of this film happening before maybe, last Tuesday, which is why it wasn't in my post with all the mini pre-emptive trailer reviews. When I saw the trailer, it didn't even immediately strike me that it would be my sort of film, but I went with a group of guys and we all know I much prefer massive bad-ass robots to emotional chick-flicks with sappy dialogue. 
           Pacific Rim, dirercted by Guillermo del Toro, was released in the UK on Friday 12th of July 2013, and is rated 12A. (which I guess is a PG13 in America, basically - if you're under 12, you need a parent) I think it should be said, that if your kid leans towards being a bit more sensitive - the depiction of the Kaiju in the first 15 minutes or so of the film is pretty intense, especially as they look so realistic, - so they might find it a bit frightening. That being said, the fight scenes are epic, and that fear will likely dissolve pretty quickly and be replaced with awe. 
           As I said - the fight scenes are so awesome, which is helped by the fact that the graphics are pretty much flawless - I never once sat there and thought 'such obvious CGI' or 'they could have rendered that better.' On the contrary, I continuously found myself thinking 'holy sh*tballs' and at one point - 'Jesus Christ, that things can fly.' My point, is that for a good deal of the film, my jaw was on the ground. 
Individual photos from http://www.imdb.com/
            The three main stars of the film are Raleigh Beckett, (Charlie Hunnam) Stacker Pentecost, (Idris Elba) and Mako Mori (Rinko Kikuchi), As far as character and storyline go - this film doesn't offer much. We're made to feel sympathetic towards Raleigh in the beginning, but then he's pretty standard, apart from being a good guy and a great fighter. As for Mako, her story was actually pretty heart-breaking in a way that demands you're empathetic, and if you don't really have it in you to feel on behalf of others (and that's not a bad thing - some people just aren't wired that way) then that's basically just explanation in picture form, which is pretty handy because it's not a film which relies heavily on words. In fact, the only line I remember from it (and I normally store a good few quotes from films after the first watch) is some thing like '...or we can take these ray guns and do something really stupid' which was funny, and really awesome, given the circumstances.
               I know I said there isn't much in the way of characterisation - and I did not mean that to come across as negative in the slightest - it's not a film which requires you to really care about the characters or even be aware that they have back-stories. But they did do a really great job of making me absolutely detest Chuck Hansen (Robert Kazinsky) -

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2059117/?ref_=tt_cl_t8






 *SPOILER ALERT*SPOILER ALERT*

             Which, A) made it so, so cathartic when Raleigh punched him square in the face, and B) meant he died more of a hero's death, accepting what was coming with courage.

      
          



           



             Something which I haven't mentioned yet, is the 3D element of this film, and that is simply because I didn't watch it in 3D. What I will say though - and this is in contrast to my general opinion of 3D films - is that I can really see how this would look great in 3D. I think it'd be best to sit further back, as everything is so huge, it may give you a slight headache as I can imagine it being pretty intense.
             I don't know for sure, but there is a very vague page on IMDB for Pacific Rim 2, so perhaps that will happen. I'm not really sure how it can happen, but let's just see where that goes.
              All in all, I'd say this deserves at least four pandas, for being really awesome, but if you go to the cinema looking for a storyline, you'd be hard-pushed to find one here. Saying that, I would recommend it, and I would watch it again when it comes on the TV later in the year. What I will say finally, is that I really want a Jaeger suit. No joke - those things are bad-ass.



                 So, I'll be back on Friday to make something up for you. I have no idea what yet, but when do I ever? I hope you liked this review - if you've seen the film, do you agree or disagree? What were your thoughts about the film? Have a really great week!
   
                                           Thanks for reading, Laura
                                                                         xoxoxox
       

Friday 12 July 2013

Brushes.

           I'm just going to go ahead and announce Friday as creative day, not Thursday.
         So,  yesterday, we got our grades for the year and I'm so happy with my results! I managed to get a high 2:1 (B) and did so much better than I thought I would. But enough about me. This is one of those rare entries where I haven't made it up on the spot. I tried doing that earlier and ended up with a talking avocado. That can be for another day though. This is a piece I wrote last year, which I thought I'd already posted, but the people who have heard it have liked it, so without further ado...

           Every morning it's the same thing. I see a pair of feet shuffling from a room down the hall. They are bare feet, with thick skin yellow skin on the bottom and even thicker yellow toenails protruding from their ends. I close my eyes in a moment of silent prayer. I look up at the man. He's wearing the usual grubby grey boxer shorts which used to be white. They also used to be loose and are sporting Stains which resemble mustard and ketchup. His belly is peeking through the gap between his boxer shorts and his vest top; also too tight and too grey and sporting similar stains. He goes to the mirror first, examining his teeth - scratching at them to remove the fuzz that comes with a week of minimal brushing. Then he observes his hair line: receding. He scratches at his belly, grunting in satisfaction as his fingers become momentarily lodged in his belly hair. Then comes the thing I dread; he moves toward the toilet. There are some noises that I don't feel I should go into here, and the smell is so pungent it seems to grab you by the throat and shake you. Eventually, he stands. From my position I can't see the toilet roll to cast a glance of condolence for its fate. I hear the sound of tumbling water close to my ear and know my time is coming. He doesn't pause to wash his hands before wrenching me from my sanctuary. I want to scream my protest but in no time at all, my head is engulfed by the water which is still in a rush to get away from the porcelain tomb in which has encapsulated it for most of the night. Alas, it doesn't yet know where it will end up. I'm finally replaced in my haven, water dripping and collecting in the well beneath me. He begins the removal of his clothes. I want to look away but it's like one of those really gruesome car crashes. He throws them into a pile in the corner and I swear I can almost see stink lines forming. He moves towards the sink, and I thank every deity I can think of that I'm not his flannel.


        So, that's this week's creative post, I saw Pacific Rim today so I'll be reviewing that on Tuesday. Thank you for your patience this week - I've really excelled on the time keeping front. Have a really great weekend and I'll see you on Tuesday!

         Thanks for reading! Laura
                                             xoxoxox

Wednesday 10 July 2013

Here's to Never Growing Up.

        Hello! If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed that I had a slight meltdown yesterday, because this post was ready before noon, but it would not post for love nor money. In the end, a good half of it got deleted and I got so disheartened that I gave up on it. Anyways, this post isn't really a review, as once again, I've done/seen/read/eaten anything new. So this is more about difficult transitions from one age category to the next. (One of my very best friends wrote something similar here.) Specifically, I want to reference the idea of growing up, or not growing up as you may have deduced from the title. I'm aware that this is more of an article about 'self' that it is a review, necessarily, however it's been going round and round in my head since I saw Miley Cyrus' new video. In case you haven't seen it:


     Now, apart from the fact that her voice actually sounds quite a lot like Rihanna, a couple of things struck me about this video which a couple of years ago I wouldn't have really seen coming from her. Firstly, she's wearing almost nothing, which for one thing, I'm thinking, she's done so many hours of pilates and maybe she should show her abs off a little bit, but then, she still has a following of your girls, who want to know how to go from little girl to young woman. When Britney Spears went through this phase, she just said outright 'I'm not a girl, not yet a woman', while standing on a mountain with, likewise, her abs on show. (We'll consider her massive and tragic breakdown in a paragraph or two) Secondly, there's a lot of aggression shown here, she's baring her teeth a lot for a start and it just screams of 'I'M NOT THE INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL FROM THE DISNEY CHANNEL ANY MORE!'
http://www.disney.co.uk/
         We all know we all have to grow up, and it's a difficult transition going from being 14/15 to 17/18 and beyond; there are different social guidelines in such a small space of time, and then again, I have to act different now to the way I did when I was 17, if only because I used to dress horribly and be really over-dramatic back then. The transition is harder for someone like Miley, or Britney, because they were cute and innocent in the limelight when they were really young, I was just in the shops. Trying to shake that childlike innocence is something I saw from Britney through a lot of her songs, I think of 'Oops, I Did it Again' and all I can hear is 'I'm not that innocent'. Then Miley comes along and twerks all over the show saying 'it's my mouth, I can say what I want to.' There are still signs of adolescence throughout the video though - she's constantly sticking her tongue out, and there's a guy sucking his thumb at one point. 
http://www.wcvb.com/news/entertainment/-/9848582/4843072/-/13nlkdx/-/index.html

http://popdust.com/2013/04/11/toxic-is-your-favorite-britney-spears
-song-what-happened-to-the-guy-from-the-video/

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4598203/
britney-spears-drugs-sam-lufti.html
      Kind of in contrast to this, I get Avril Lavigne singing about never growing up, sitting in a park and drinking God-knows-what while listening to Radiohead. That's something that reminds me of being 14, (the park and friends part, not the alcohol part) but then Avril makes me reminiscent anyway because I was around that age when she was coming out with Skater Boy and suchlike. I know the song fits in with Avril's sound and it's not out of character for her, but when I was thinking about it, I just think she's trying to say 'I'm not old yet', and maybe she's gone the other way to Miley. Avril was always the rebel, she always sang angsty songs like 'I Always Get What I Want', and refused to change her image following 'Complicated' which is something I always respected her for; even when she became more of a 'princess', claiming that she doesn't like your girlfriend, but will be happy to fill the role, she still had her rebellious edge, and frankly, those were some of her most attractive days. She married young though, and then divorced young which is sure to make anyone feel like their life is going by super fast, so maybe the re-emergence of these songs about teenage years are part of her clinging on to that youth that she maybe feels has become distant to her.

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/avril-lavigne/images/19698389/title/avril-wallpaper

http://www.smartphoneswallpaper.com
/avril-lavigne.html
         Now, I'm aware that I haven't referenced any men in this, but I just don't think it happens as often in guys - people seem to have a 'boys will be boys' attitude, so when a guy starts acting up or being boisterous, it's 'normal'. There seem to be different expectations, and almost a different reality for girls when they go from girls to women. One factor is the shape of our bodies - of course, guys go from being being boyish to developing abs and whatever, but if they don't take their shirt off, who's to know? If a girl grows breasts, they're right there. I'm not saying male behaviour doesn't change at all - Justin Bieber cut his hair, got tattoos and smoked some weed, but it's not really on the same level as Britney's rebellion, following and including her marriage and subsequent break-down to Kevin Fedreline. (I make reference to her song 'My Prerogative' released around the time that she was receiving criticism for the way they were both behaving.) It's unlikely that Bieber will go off the rails as much as Britney did though, I just hope Miley doesn't go that far in proving she's not a kid any more.
http://fstoppers.com/behind-the-scenes-of
-miley-cyrus-racy-photoshoot-for-v-magazine
          I completely get where Avril is coming from never wanting to grow up - my friends and I always joke that we should go back to secondary school for the day, make all the terrible jokes we used to make and think that we had a lot of work to do then. On the other hand, I can identify with Miley's plight to be treated as an adult - to my immediate and extended family, I seem to be a strange hybrid of Little Laura with the big brown eyes, and Laura the woman. Even if they don't see it that way, I think of myself that way around them; is it okay for me to swear? to drink alcohol? I've never been more sure of who I am, yet I don't know exactly how to be in some circumstances. I've come to terms with the fact that I will be growing older every day, but to be honest with you, I agree with Avril - I don't ever want to grow up.

        Okay! Next Tuesday will be a review of Pacific Rim which I'm going to go and look at on Friday so I have a reason to eat too much pick'n'mix. Sorry again for the issues surrounding this post, I think there was a problem with the internet because YouTube videos wouldn't load either which was great. If you have any examples of men that have had a similar rebellion (I got one - Michael Jackson had a big change of identity   following a childhood showbiz career) post a comment below, also comment if you have any expansions, any suggestions of other people who have been through this sort of thing, and also your experiences of growing up. Anyway, have a great week!
           
                         Thanks for reading! Laura
                                                        xoxoxox

Friday 5 July 2013

The Magician's Blind Date

       So I'm thinking about making Friday creative day. I tried so hard to upload yesterday, but I lost my USB stick, then I wrote half a post, then published instead of saved, then deleted it, etc., etc., etc. So, Yesterday I took another of my 'people, place, thing' groups and got 'a magician, a frisbee and a sauna' which is an interesting mix to say the least. So, without further ado, because this will not be a Saturday thing, I give you Mike.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2010/jul/30/magic-people-and-places
         The magician shifted uncomfortably in his chair, it was evident that the woman sitting across the table was unimpressed. She was sitting sideways in her chair with her arms folded, her body angled away from him. Sometimes she'd appear to check her nails, others she'd twist her hair around her fingers, rolling her eyes and sighing. He cleared his throat. 
          'So, er, you like flowers?'
          'Sure.'
          'Right.' He took a napkin from the table and wiped his mouth with it. He stretched his arms straight out  to his sides causing a waiter to have to swerve and almost drop his tray full of avocado salads. The waiter tutted, the magician wiggled his fingers as if warming them up to play the piano. He cleared his throat loudly, rolling his neck from side to side, then closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose. He expelled the air as if building up to something huge - his date was sitting rigid, giving him her full attention and sitting forward in her seat. He stood up suddenly and swung his arms around violently to stretch out his shoulders. He stretched his legs out, then sat down suddenly and stared his date in the eyes. She stared back, her eyes wide. He clenched and unclenched his hand dramatically, slowly reaching into the centre of the table. He picked up the vase in the centre of the table, took out the single, dropping poppy and threw the vase on the floor to the side of his date's chair. Smiling broadly, he presented her with the flower.
          She looked incredulously at the flower, then incredulously at him, then back to the flower. She repeated this action for some moments, then delicately, she reached her hand to the flower, delicately touching its pathetic petal. The flower burst into flames. The magician let out a yelp and dropped the flower. Luckily, it landed in the pool of water he'd just created by the side of their table. She folded her arms and glared at him across the table.
           'You got water on my shoes.'
           'I'll buy you a new pair! Where are they from? Topshop?' 
           'They're Manolo Blahniks, you idiot.'
           'Bit pricey, I'll have to conjour those.' He smiled apologetically as she rolled her eyes and sighed. She leaned over and removed her shoe, placing it on the table in front of her. 'Allow me.' The magician offered confidently.
            'Touch it and you'll end up like the flower.' He squeaked and withdrew his hand. She stroked the water stained shoe a few times. It sparkled slightly before returning to its previous spotless state. She placed it demurely back on her foot, and returned her foot to the floor. 
             'You wanna see a trick where I make a frisbee get bigger and bigger?'
             'Fine.'
             'Okay!' He got up from his seat and ran across the restaurant until he was around twenty yeards away from her. She remained in her seat with her eyebrows raised. 'ARE YOU READY?' he yelled across the dining room. She made an uncommitted gesture and rolled her eyes. 'Okay! try this one on for size!' He produced a frisbee from his pocket and grinned at her excitedly. She shook her head. 'I think you'll be surprised how much bigger this will appear to get, and how quickly too! Now don't blink because you'll miss it!'
             'Get on with it.'
           'Right!' He waved the frisbee around with a flourish, then threw it upwards so it span in the air just above his head before returning to his hand. 'Just stretching out the particles!' He then blew on it three times, before wafting it around in another flourish. Then he threw it towards his date. Her eyes widened as the thing flew towards her at speed. She raised a hand to defend herself and shouted something he'd never heard before. The ring of doom burst into bubbles which twinkled and popped their way to the floor. He looked on confused. He trudged back to the table scratching his head. 'It's never done that before.' He said, perplexed.
            'That's because you've never thrown it at me before.'
            'Erm,'
            'How is that a trick?'
            'It got bigger'
           'Yes, because you threw it at me. It looked bigger to me because it got closer to my face. It looked smaller to you, didn't it?'
             'Yes, all part of the trick!'
         'No. Not part of the trick. Basic physics. Very basic physics. Things appear bigger when they're closer, and smaller further away. Very basic.'
            'Erm -' 
            'And the flower thing? What was that?'
            'I never said that was a trick!'
            'It was crap though.'
            'Well that's harsh...Do you wanna go somewhere else?'
            'No.'
         'You're just saying that! Hold onto my arm, I'll transport us somewhere, where do you wanna go? Ooh, a sauna! That's relaxing.'
            'Why would I want to go to a sauna?'
            'I said, it's relaxing. Hold my arm.'
            'No!'
            'Hold it!'
            'No.' 
           'Fine!' He grabbed her arm and whispered something magical. They disappeared, leaving a strange, almost sticky, void in the restaurant behind them. The waiter pulled a face as he walked past, the sticky residue had a strange taste and smelled musty. 
             The magician's date landed heavily in a dark steam room. The magician landed heavily on a sizeable fellow who was wearing nothing but a towel. He yelped, for the second time in the evening and jumped to his left, where, once again, he landed heavily; but this time it was on his date. She huffed and pushed him aside. 
             'This is going to ruin my hair.' He could feel her glaring at him. She stood up and walked deliberately over to the rectangle of light which was the door. He followed her. When they were outside, she began patting down her dress and smoothing her hair as he waved a string of colourful napkins about to dry them off. She rolled her eyes. He grinned sheepishly.
                'My next trick' he mumbled. 'So, you err, wanna go back to my place?' She glowered at him, her hair starting to frizz and expand. She straightened out so that she was standing at her full height and squared her shoulders, before replying;
                'Yeah, okay.' The magician smiled, he held out his arm for her to take, and once again they disappeared, leaving a musty smelling, strange tasting slightly sticky void.


        So that was weird, and really, really late. I apologise once again for the lateness. By a cat's whisker, it is still not a Saturday post! I hope you liked this, as I said in the last creative piece, feel free to send any stories you write using this method to the email in the 'Talk to Me' tab up there ^^^, or just leave in the comments if you liked this, or didn't like this, what could I improve upon? Also if you tried the method, what did you think of it? Did it help you get over writer's block?
          If you have any ideas for what I can review next week or if you want to see a particular topic/theme written about next Friday Thursday, drop it in the comments below! Have a great weekend!

                                     Thanks for reading! Laura
                                                                    xoxoxoxox

Tuesday 2 July 2013

Travelling!

       Hello! As you know, I went to Cyprus last week, it was my first time abroad and it was incredible. I thought about doing a mini blog post from my iPod during the week because I got the blogger app and it's actually really simple to use, but I just didn't get a whole lot of time to sit down and do it. Then I was going to do a post about it on Sunday when I got back, but seeing as I haven't finished the book I'm reading, or seen any new films etc, I thought I may just as well dedicate a Tuesday review slot to it.
         There will be a few photos, but not as many as I'd hoped being as I did my usual fun trick of leaving the lead for my camera in another part of Britain, meaning I can't get pictures from my camera to my laptop. Though, saying that, it's more than probable that I just haven't unpacked the bag that it's in from when I came home two weeks ago. That gives us all something to look forward to anyway.

I took this from the plane window, (obviously,  few hotels have engines) it's the mountains in Bulgaria, which I just found absolutely gorgeous.
           So, the hotel we stayed in was the Elias Beach hotel in Limassol, southern Cyprus - run by Kanika hotels and resorts. We went all-inclusive so were really impressed by the massive choice of freshly cooked foods, and also the extensive range of cocktails and every other type of drink which was included in the price. Now, I'm massively into food, I enjoy cooking it, reading about it, learning about it and more than anything, I love eating it. So when I'm allowed access to food which is literally available all day, from 7am to 10:30pm, I'm pretty stoked. For breakfast, lunch and dinner, there were extensive buffets with local produce and amazing locally sourced ingredients, even down to the fresh herbs which were taken from the chef's own garden! 
             The rooms were fantastic - really great size with a small balcony and individual air-conditioning units, which made so much difference, as it was reaching 34 degrees C during the day and was still hot at night time. The staff were so friendly and would go above and beyond to make sure everything was perfect. Upon entering the hotel for the first time, I just couldn't believe how grand it looked, I actually wondered if we were in the right place. The outside of the hotel was just as amazing, with a huge pool area and a long garden area which extended down to the beach, all full of sun loungers and more friendly staff. There was also a pool bar which served cocktails, hot drinks, soft drinks, ice creams and savoury snacks all day, which was just great. Banana ice cream is great. 








   










        There are so many day trips and excursions available, which we found out through our rep, so on the Wednesday, Matt (the boyfriend) and myself went on a Jeep safari, which took us off-road to lots of different places along the southern coast, and also into some of the more mountainous regions. The trip was 75 euros each; we were picked up in the Jeep by a man named Zeus at 7:30am. After picking up a few more people, we drove through a prehistoric village with buildings that are thousands upon thousands of years old. During the drive, Zeus told us a lot about the island, including its history and mythology. He told us the story of how Aphrodite emerged from the sea as a teenager, slowing down on the side of the motorway to point out the three rocks which mark her birth place. It's well known locally that if you were to swim naked around the middle rock three times under a full moon, you are blessed with eternal youth. From there, we stopped half way up a mountain overlooking the most incredible panoramic view of mountains, the bays, and a small island just off the coast which birds stop off at during their migration from Europe to Africa. From there, we went to a gorge, which is formed of lime cliffs and has a small stream running through it. It's a really beautiful place and has signs in front of all of the plant-life with their names in Greek and English. From there, we went to a beach on which turtles lay their eggs. The bay is a turtle sanctuary, and every year for the last four years has seen a massive increase of the number of turtles who make it back to the sea and survive into adulthood.

          From there, we drove up to the peak of the mountain, where Zeus showed us a detailed map of Cyprus, showing us where we'd been and explained a little more of the history of the island. We then drove down to lunch, which was generously included in the price, and which was also fantastic. Salad, BBQ'd chicken, pasta, cous cous, roasted potatoes red/white wine, and the most incredible watermelon for dessert. We went the to see Aphrodite's bath, where it is said she was bathing when Adonis found her, leading to their love affair. Their in a fountain there which, if you splash yourself with the water, you are said to gain back ten years. Zeus proceeded to douse us all with the freezing water one by one, which was one of those refreshing shocks, a bit like a plunge pool. The actual bath looked incredibly refreshing, being as it's under a shaded cavern in the rocks surrounding it. Supposedly, if you bathe in it, you become a virgin again.

                      
       We then had a free hour at a very beautiful beach, where we got some freshly squeezed orange juice and one of the biggest ice creams I think I've ever seen! On the way back, Zeus stopped at the side of the motorwayto show us an aeriel view of Paphos, which is stunning, and on my camera. (pictures to follow) At various points, the Jeep would stop and Zeus would pick some leaves from trees and bushes which we then passed around the car to sniff. These included basil, lemon and aniseed, which is used to make the very distinctive Ouzo - a very potent alcohol which is very nice if you like aniseed. (One of the cocktails in the hotel was an 'Ouzo Special', which contained Ouzo, blackcurrant and soda water. It was have been pink, but it was not for the faint-hearted!)
         On the Friday, we took a trip into northern Cyprus - officially named the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus, since 1974. We had to cross the boarder in Nicosia, so I have a twice stamped visa which I'm actually pretty proud of. (Especially since my passport wasn't stamped at all going into Cyprus or back into Britain.) We then drove up into Kyrenia, which is very beautiful and has lots of mountains. Whilst there, we visited a monastery which is incredibly old, and somewhat damaged by bombs, however has many of its original features and is incredibly beautiful. (Again, I have lots of wonderful pictures on my camera, so there's something to get excited about in the future.) We also went to Kyrenia Castle, which was believed to have been built by the Byzantines as long ago as the 7th century. It has since been extended substantially at least twice. In particular, we visited the shipwreck museum, which has some of the original vessels used to carry wine, olives, etc. which were on board at the time of its ruin. The courtyard of the castle is huge, and looks like it could be a fair-sized market/village square. Across from the shipwreck museum are the dungeons, which include quite detailed mannequins which showcase some of the torture rituals they used to carry out.  For more info about Kyrenia castle, here's the link to the Wikipedia page. All of the pictures from that day are on my camera, apart from this one which I took on my iPod as we were driving through Kyrenia: 

             Other than that, we spent out time eating, drinking, swimming in the sea and being hot. As I said, I'll upload some of the other photos when I find/have my lead again. Thursday is creative again as normal, and if you have any suggestions for what I can review next Tuesday, feel free to leave a comment, tweet or email me; as I said before, all of the places you can find me are in my 'Talk to Me' tab at the top.



                               Thanks for reading and I'll see you Thursday! Laura
                                                                                                    xoxoxoxox