How to Fight a Dragon

     It's back! One of the most popular posts on here which had to be taken down a while ago because of coursework regulations is back! As I said in the last post, I've got quite a few deadlines, one of which is pretty substantial for next week, so I've got little time for writing part 3 of 'The Following'. I couldn't leave you hanging, so it's back, much improved and still sparkly. 

http://rinpoo-chuang.deviantart.com/art/dragon-hurlant-24245064

                ‘Where’s dad going?’
                ‘He’s going back to work; there was some sort of emergency.’
                ‘Again? It’s ten at night, he should be in bed, Liam.’
                ‘So should you.’
                ‘I am in bed. I was waiting for him to tell me a story like he promised he would…Will you tell me a story?’
                ‘Ahh, Amy, you know I’m not good at that.’
                ‘Please?’
                ‘You should be asleep.’
                ‘I’ll go straight to sleep after, I promise! Pleeease, Liam?’
                ‘Ohhh, Alright. Budge up. What do you want it to be about?’
                ‘A princess in a castle.’
    ‘Ugh, right ok. Once upon a time, there was a castle –‘
                ‘What kinda castle?’
                ‘A big, blue one… with a glittery roof.’
                ‘That doesn’t sound very exciting.’
                'You wanna know what was exciting about it?’
                ‘What?’

           ‘It wasn’t always blue; see, in the winter it was blue, because it was cold, and because everyone knows that blue castles look really great next to snow. Next, in the spring, it was pink, but only in the day time, because at night time – it went yellow so that anyone who’d been playing in the woods could find their way back home, when the moon shone on the castle. In the summer, it turned orange, and went all kinds of red and purple in the night, then in autumn, it was still red, but it had orange in there too. In autumn, the roof stopped being glittery, and became thatched, so it looked cosy, ready for the winter. One day, this castle attracted a new visitor; and not the kind it was used to. This visitor wasn’t a prince seeking the hand of the beautiful princess who lived inside; nor was it a merchant, trying to sell the king something made from gold and rubies. This visitor was…a dragon!’

                ‘What kind of dragon? Was it big?’

                ‘Gargantuan’

                ‘Did it have sharp teeth?’

                ‘Razor’

                ‘Was it a boy dragon? Did it smell?’

                ‘It was an angry lady dragon! And she smelt of the most horrible meal dad has ever cooked us!’

                 ‘The lasagne he burned? That smelled horrible!’

                ‘Exactly like that. Anyway, this dragon came to the castle and blocked out the light that it sent out to help people back from the forest. It lasted for three days, and so many of the town’s folk hand gotten lost in the forest, that the princess felt she had to help. She asked her father, who said he had some other very important things to do; being as he was the king and all. So the little princess thought long and hard. In the end, she came up with a plan; she went about the castle and gathered everything she could think of to help her with her plan. She got some pots and pans, she gathered her toys, she even took all of the clothes from her dolls, and even some of her own! You see, this little princess wasn’t like all of the other little princesses, no, she was a very kind little girl who often wondered why she should have so many nice things, just because her daddy was the boss of everyone.’

                     ‘He sounds like our dad, with his stupid job.’

                ‘I know, but you know he’s only working so much because we don’t get mum’s wage anymore.’

                ‘…do you think mummy is happy in heaven?’

                ‘I think she’s very happy. I think she’s with her mum and dad, and Jasper, do you remember Jasper?’

                ‘Yeah, I think so, was Jasper the dog or the cat?’

                ‘The cat. The dog was Ralph.’

                ‘I tried to show dad my school work today. I got a sticker because it was really good. He said he was busy. Why is he so busy these days, Liam?’

                ‘I told you; he has to work more because it’s only his money coming in now.’

                ‘Could we get jobs to help?’

                ‘Soon, Amy.’

                ‘I could make a lemonade stand’

                ‘You don’t know how to make lemonade. Plus, it’s November, no-one wants lemonade in November, it’s not a November drink. Besides – you’d freeze. Now, shall I finish the story now? Or shall we finish by considering the meaning of life?’

                ‘Carry on, what did the princess do?’

                ‘Well, she made a big patchwork blanket out of all of the material she’d collected and used some ribbons to tie it to a basket, then she tied another ribbon from the bottom of the basket to her curtain rail. She put the basket on the window frame and climbed inside the basket, then she gathered up the big, patchwork blanket and took out a hairdryer. She tuned on the hairdryer and it began to inflate the blanket, until it was like a big balloon. The balloon started floating upwards in the air, until it was level with the face of the dragon. The little princess looked like a tiny speck against the dragon’s face. At first, the dragon didn’t notice the princess, so she had time to put together a big shield, made from the pots and pans she’d collected from the kitchen. She wore a colander as a helmet and fashioned a sword from a big knife tied to the end of a broom. She’d made sure that her sword was resistant to flame, as she’d asked the wise old wizard to cast a special spell on it for her. What the princess didn’t know, was that the wizard had enchanted her sword with a charm of true shot, to help her take down the mighty dragon! She used her sword to poke the dragon to get its attention, and when it turned around, it was even more terrifying than she had imagined! You see, from up close, the dragon was even meaner, even darker, even angrier, and even   smellier than she was from afar. The little princess was scared for a moment, and then remember the awesome, kick-arse spells –‘

                ‘You’re not allowed to say arse, mum used to say it’s rude.’

                ‘Well you just said it, so I guess it’s fine now, right? Anyway, she remembered the awesome, kick-arse spells the wizard had put on her weapons, so she felt really brave. She squared up to the dragon and shouted “I’m not afraid of you!” and threw the sword as if it were a javelin. It struck the dragon in its scaly under-belly – the best place to strike a beast; I mean, think about in Lord of the Rings, Sam and Frodo are screwing about trying to kill the spider and when Sam finally gets her in the under-belly, she goes down –‘

                ‘Liam, I haven’t seen Lord of the Rings; I’m nine.’

                ‘Err, right. So, the sword hits the dragon in the under-belly, and it lets out this huge dragony howl. In its last moments, it tries to breathe fire onto the princess. But the princess was cunning; she knew that dragons could breathe fire, because she watched Game of Thrones against her father’s wishes, so she brought with her the royal fire extinguisher. Not only was the royal fire extinguisher able to extinguish fire, but it was also huge, and gold. The princess squeezed the fire extinguisher into the open mouth of the dragon, quenching its flame. All the dragon could do, was let out a tiny puff of smoke, and burst into flames. The little princess jumped from her basket into her bedroom, where her father had been looking on, astonished. He had been so frightened to see his little girl out on her own in so dangerous a place, but he couldn’t have felt more pride at her bravery and cunning. They declared the day national princess day, and used the princess’ blanket-turned hot-air balloon to cover the blot on the landscape that was the ashen remains of the fearsome dragon. Among the remains though, was a tiny dragon, who hadn’t been around long enough to learn anger, and so the princess adopted the dragon and trained it to be awesome. Then they ate cupcakes and drank Vimto. The end.’

                ‘Woah. I think that was your best story ever! Was the princess actually me?’

                ‘Well, I guess so, do you think you could fight a dragon?’

                ‘Will daddy ever be proud of me?’

                ‘Dad is proud of you every day. And so am I, which is far more important. Now, try to get some sleep, you’ve got some dragons to slay tomorrow. Goodnight, Amy.’

                ‘Goodnight Liam. Hey, Liam,’

                ‘Yes, Amy?’

                ‘You’re the best. I love you, ok?’

                ‘That’s fine by me, I love you too. Goodnight, kiddo’ 

http://www.sodahead.com/fun/what-type-of-cuteness-definitely-gets-your-attention/question-1225545/

         Aww, I really want a baby dragon now. I'd keep him in the garden though because he'd get too big for the house. He'd be really good if the oven/toaster/microwave/boiler breaks (again). I've gone off on a tangent. I hope you liked this! I'll try to write part 3 real soon, I'm sorry for the delay if you're waiting for it at all.

                                  Thanks for reading! Laura

                                                                 xoxoxox

Badgers

        Hey everyone, how are you doing? I wanted to share this, because I don't write poems often, and I liked how this one came out. I wasn't able to submit this as a coursework entry because it's not prose, but I wanted people to see it, because, let's be honest, who doesn't like whimsical poems about badgers? Right? so, with that being said, I hope you guys enjoy this, because I had so much fun writing this.

I took some pictures one fine day,

I took the pictures all the way,

They will help me to remember, that odd day in late September.

It started when I leaped from slumber,

And began to sing a number,

From my favourite west-end play, I sing it each and every day.

I went outside to take some pictures,

Appreciating nature’s fixtures,

I went inside and got my Kodak, and put spare batteries in my rucksack.

I took a picture of a tree, 

I took a picture of my knee,

I took a picture of a cat and then I put it in a hat.

I took a picture of a mouse,

I took a picture of his house,

I took a picture, then one more, and put him on my kitchen floor.

I took some pictures of the lake,

I took a picture of a cake,

I ate a slice and then another, then I took some for my mother.

I took a picture of a dog,

And then some of a sinking bog,

My lost my wellies in the mud and then my feet went slap, slap thud.

I took a picture of a pie,

And then I threw it at the sky,

When it crashed back to the ground, I crept away without a sound.

I took a picture of some honey,

I took a picture of my money,

I had about a pound that day, and spent it on a bale of hay.

I took a picture of a cloud,

I took a picture of a crowd,

I wondered what they were crowding for, and saw it was a tiny door.

I took a picture of the door,

It was blurred, I took some more,

Then I saw the door had vanished, and I thought that I’d been banished

To another world it seemed,

Unless I’d entered some strange dream,

For I was standing in a field, holding a great copper shield.

A badger ran up and bellowed,

‘HELP US, HELP US! MY DEAR FELLOW!’

I pulled out my sword and off we went, to a great big yellow floating tent.

I hopped inside and all I saw,

Were rows of badgers, ceiling to floor,

I tried to pause to take a picture, but was met with waves of stricture.

I was taken near the centre,

And told not yet to enter,

The ring which was drawn slightly wonky, and contained a sleeping donkey.

They poked him with a metal rod,

And slapped him with a fresh caught cod,

When he finally awoke, he coughed and spluttered, began to choke.

Eventually he caught his breath,

And told me that his name was Seth.

I nearly offered him a carrot, but the badgers told me ‘he’s fed parrots!’

I was challenged to a duel,

With what was actually a mule,

I put one foot into the ring, and then wondered why I should fight the thing.

The badgers then began to say,

What had happened one dark day,

The mule had come from some strange land, and told them theirs could be as grand.

He said he’d make their rivers shimmer,

As if they were looking through a mirror,

But instead he ate their food, and spent his days in foul moods.

When it turned out he had lied,

The badgers all sat down and cried,

Now they had no food to eat and the mule had broken all their seats.

‘Before I fight him,’ I told their leader,

‘I’ll photograph the little bleeder’

Snap flash! Snap flash! My camera went, lighting up the massive tent.

This threw the mule into a tizzy,

So fighting him was rather easy,

It only took some forty seconds, without the use of any weapons.

We lead the mule into a cage,

He did not even show us rage,

I took a picture of him inside, he tried to kick, his hooves were tied!

We sent him back to whence he came,

He said ‘I’m sorry, so ashamed’

The badgers noisily rejoiced, and many, many thanks were voiced.

I took some pictures of the badgers,

I took some pictures of their ladders,

We had a feast upon the hill, and hung bright flags from the windmill.

When morning came I went back home,

And told the story to a gnome,

He laughed and asked if he could see the pictures of this crazy dream.

I took my camera from its baggage,

Whilst munching on a tasty cabbage,

I pressed ‘view mode’ and nearly died, for there had been no film inside.

         Thanks for reading, I hope you liked the bathos at the end of this. (Just in case you didn't know, bathos is the feeling of being let down, typically at the end of a story.) 

                                               Laura

                                                       xoxoxoxox