Translate

Showing posts with label Pure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pure. Show all posts

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Blood

              Hey, everyone. I say everyone, I doubt anyone would wait this long for a new blog post. Let me apologise, first of all, for my absence. I've juggling the start of my 2nd year at university, as well as my birthday, and various other things. I also lost my USB stick, which had everything on it, so it's lucky I took a back up. 
              Without further ado, this was a piece  I wrote in my first year of Uni. I think the assignment that week was to write specifically about a colour. So I chose red, because of its many and varied connotations. (Anger, love, passion, aggression, prosperity (in India), power, etc.) 
                

                                                                 Blood.

Red; The colour of love, anger or passion. I would say that when I think of my mummy, I see red. Red because she loved me, red because she was a vibrant, confident and happy woman and red because it was the last colour I ever saw surrounding her; on the floor, ceiling, and everything in between. It drenched her clothes, caked her beautiful, pale, clear skin, when I found her it was mostly dry and her skin was already a greyish colour. The coroner said she’d been dead for at least 8 hours.
I was eight when I found my mummy lying dead in our kitchen. I’d been at a sleepover, wearing red pyjamas, and I got a lift home from one of the other boys’ mothers. She drove a red car. I should have known something terrible was going to happen that day, because of all the red, almost like every time the boy in ‘The Sixth Sense’ sees a dead person, there’s something red in the picture.
I let myself in, mummy keeps a key under the flower pot. I was wearing my denim dungarees and my favourite red T-shirt, the house was submerged in an eerie silence. Nothing has ever been as quiet to me as my childhood home when there was no sound of my mother singing in the kitchen.
‘Mummy?’ I waited for a reply. Perhaps she was in the garden. I dropped my red and black back pack at the foot of the stairs and kicked off my shoes. My feet made no sound as I moved forwards towards the living room, adding still to the deafening silence which should have been serene, but terrified me intensely.
I don’t remember our house having any colour inside it. In my head, it’s like a drawing somebody has done but not coloured in, the walls are white, the floor is white, the furniture and the ornaments are white. Perhaps because the red was so vivid that all other colours faded into oblivion.
It wasn’t the red I noticed first, though it should have been, it was the way her hair had fallen. It was as if she’d placed it herself, flowing around her shoulders and across the white floor tiles, slightly curled at the end, the way it always was. She didn’t have to ever do much to make herself look pretty, her lips were a beautiful colour, somewhere between rose and coral, and her cheeks were naturally dusted with the same shades. I remember people saying she was ‘a real English rose’.
I knelt down beside her, not knowing what to do. I did all the things she’d do for me when I was sick, so I put a damp flannel on her forehead and held her hand as I read her a story about ‘Whinnie the Pooh’ after a while, I thought that perhaps I should go and tell my neighbour that mummy wasn’t very well, and see if she could do something. I went and knocked at Mrs Hodge’s house, she lived next door and she and mummy used to drink cups of tea and laugh together.
I don’t really remember what Mrs Hodge looked like, except that she was shorter and tubbier than mummy. She had rosy cheeks all the time too, as if she’d been running up and down the stairs. And I remember her smiling. But she didn’t smile on that day, she screamed. Her scream scared me, but it alerted me to the fact that something was really, really wrong, and mummy probably wasn’t going to wake up and cuddle me anymore.
Mrs Hodge made a phone call, she sounded frantic, but at the same time she was trying to stay calm so that the person on the other end could understand what she was saying. The time between her hanging up the phone and there being a knock on the door seemed like hours; neither of us said anything, Mrs Hodge stared at the floor in what I think might have been disbelief, and I looked at her, wondering why she thought making a phone call was a good idea when the kitchen and mummy were all messy.
Eventually lots of people knocked on the door and all came in at once. Some of them went into the kitchen; two of them sat Mrs Hodge down and spoke to her quietly, offering her tissues. One of them came over to me.
‘Hey, champ, my name is Robert, can you tell me your name?’ Robert had squatted in front of me so that I didn’t have to look up at him. He had a kind face; dark hair, dark eyes, smooth looking skin. He smelt like coffee.
‘James’ I replied, meekly. Robert smiled, still looking concerned.
‘So, James, why don’t you tell me all about your day today?’ he crossed his legs and sat in front of me, and listened to everything I had to say. He wrote some of it down so that he could use it later on, he said.
It was dark by the time all the people left, they cleaned the kitchen after they’d taken lots of pictures of everything. They put mummy into a black bag on a table with wheels and put her into the back of one of the vans that they’d come to my house in. I was about to go back inside, because I thought it was probably nearly my bed time, but one of the policemen took me by the hand and said i couldn’t stay in the house by myself.
I don’t know where it was they took me that night; I never saw the outside of it. But it was cold, and everything seemed hard. I had to sit in a huge chair while the policeman told the lady behind the desk what had happened. After a while, another lady and a man in a white coat came out of a room, and invited me inside. They also talked to me for a long time and asked lots of questions; they weren’t nice like Robert.
I’m still not sure what this place is, but I’ve been here for twenty years. I wonder when they’ll let me go home…



 So, bit morbid. But the week before I wrote a comedic sci-fi piece, hence the polar difference. I'll put that one on soon! 

Thanks for reading! Laura 
                                 xoxoxoxox

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Memories.

      Hey all, so this post is a bit more somber than my others, I generally aim for humour or sarcasm, but this piece's inspiration was the memories which we attach to certain objects. I thought about all the things that bring good memories, but then there are always objects that bring up sad and painful memories, so I decided to break routine, and go down the break-up route for this one. Sorry if it's really depressing, let me know what you think in the comments if you like :)


           The times I've been in this room. How often I've seen everything in here and smiled, because it's just the way we always wanted it. 
         It's over now. All of it. There were far more things in here an hour ago, more things still yesterday. I can't look around now without thinking of the awkward, pained glances at each other, through our eyes' corners; each pretending we're fine, but we're not. I'm not. It's amazing to me how quickly someone can change their mind.
         I've seen him change his mind before; even smiled at it. The colour of the paint in the living room seemed like a huge deal, and so infuriating that he'd changed his mind, oh so many times. But now, it's so trivial. I always expected him to change his mind over the colour of the curtains, whether to have steak, chicken or fish; but I never expected him to change his mind over me.
        I stand in the centre of the room which we decorated together - the wood floors, the paint, the curtains; which turned out to be mocha, and not blue.
         I don't feel empty because he's moved out everything that was his, I feel empty because I've been left with shells and shadows of memories, and even without all of his possessions - he's everywhere. The photos, the fruit bowl, the paintings, and this vase I'm holding. We bought this vase in Antigua, I spotted it first, and he adored it. It was only once we got it home he realised it was completely the wrong colour.
       I'm going over all of this in my head, and all of a sudden, the vase, like me is shattered. Broken. In tiny little pieces all over the ground. 
       I feel an odd mixture of emotions; I feel like the breaking of the vase was some sort of therapy, I feel ashamed that I've scuffed the floor we ended up paying so much for. I feel livid, because I never thought I was this disposable. I feel desperate and desolate. I feel like it's nice to see that something is as fragile as me. I think it'll be good for me to clear it up, because that will at least give me something to do for a while.
      In a single moment, I understand the relief he must have felt when he whispered 'it's over', but it doesn't make it any easier on me. I've destroyed something which was, moments ago, so precious to me. The rage has subsided and left me numb.
      I'm standing still in the middle of scattered and broken memories. Looking at the fragments of one of the last things which ties me to him. I wish I hadn't broken it; I wish he hadn't broken me.
      The love of my life is gone.



       Sorry if that made your day sad, just so I don't feel like I've ruined your life, Here's a Gif of a cat putting on a rabbit hat.
       Have a happy weekend :) 
       Thanks for reading :) Laura
                                          xoxoxoxox